Into our hearts
by Nephren-Ka7
Summary: James Ellison wants to spend some time in quiet contemplation but receives an unexpected visitor.


The small chapel had once been a storage room. It had been begun as nothing but an improvised gathering place for soldiers and civilians that wanted to hold equally improvised religious services but over the years it had become more. A place of community and hope during the darkest and most desperate years of the great war against SkyNet, before the coming of coming of John Connor and the rise of the Free Machine Faction had slowly begun to turn the tide.

Though many more places of worship or meditation were available now a days, created or restored by followers of many different faiths, James Ellison still liked to come here, spending time in the cool, shadowed room. He loved to just sit in complete silence, his head bowed in quiet prayer or contemplating both the past and the future.

Ellison had been in his mid-forties when Judgment Day came and the long years of hardship, taking care of the young Savannah Weaver and others he had taken under his wings in a extremely hostile world had taken their toll. When John Connor had finally returned, he had been in no shape to fight at the front lines.  
But the fire in his heart still burned hot and he had used his considerable influence and the enormous respect that many held for him, to help John find acceptance among the ranks of the resistance. His great talent for organizing had also helped to make the founding of TechCom, the special division loyal only to Connor and working outside of the regular chain of command, much easier.

With John Connor's meteoric rise through the ranks of the resistance under way, he now had time to act in the capacity of a spiritual advisor and counselor to everyone who sought his help. And there were many who did. When the human race stared in the face of the abyss and the abyss stared back, James Ellison had mended the pain of many wounded souls. Soldier or civilian, united in gratitude and love for "Father Jim", as they insisted on calling him affectionately. James had tried to remind them from time to time that he was neither catholic nor a priest but to no avail. So he had relented and accepted the moniker in good humor. The fact that Savannah Weaver, the young woman who indeed was like a daughter to him, liked to use it, even if in a slightly teasing way, had made it easier.  
He had not actively aspired to become the quasi official pastor of TechCom but he had grown into the role. If God and/or John Connor gave an old man a chance to make himself useful, he would do everything in his power.

The door closed behind him with a click. Ellison slowly walked down the aisle to to the front of the room where the large steel cross adorned the wall. With a painful sigh he sat down in his usual place, on a bench in the first row. Someone had lit a few candles, the only source of light in the chapel. The former FBI agent ignored his aching joints. Much to his chagrin it had become almost impossible for him to kneel. At least it was extremely painful and hard to get up again. Even sitting down was a challenge on some days and today seemed to be one of them.

Well, God certainly knew and understood that the limits the bones of an old man imposed on him were not sign of a lack of proper respect.

A sound reached his ear. It was the soft rustling of clothes. James certainly wasn't the only one to visit the old chapel from time to time but he had not registered another person upon entering, so he had assumed to be alone with God and his own thoughts.

In the dim lights of the candles it was not surprising to overlook somebody, especially considering that his eyes had grown weak over the years. He looked around and could spy a shadow, sitting on a bench three rows behind him. He had walked directly by the unknown person without noticing him or her. Not wanting to intrude in on another's privacy Ellison turned his gaze toward the cross.

Suddenly he heard the stranger stand up. A few soft steps and the person had taken a seat right next to him.

"That cross was created out of molten down pieces of destroyed terminators, did you know that?" a soft voice said. James looked at the woman in surprise.

"Colonel Connor, I did not expect to meet you here. And now that you mention it, yes, I heard the story many years ago. But I had completely forgotten about it."

"I have been waiting for you. Catherine Weaver told me that you are often here on Sunday mornings. She asked me to deliver a gift." Cameron placed a paper bag on the bench. Ellison

Catherine Weaver, T-1001, for all her cold and ruthless persona, her low opinion of humanity in general and her often manipulative ways, was not an ungrateful person. In an attempt to pay Ellison back for the many years he had taken care of Savannah Weaver, the only human being she could be said to truly love, Catherine had taken it upon her to regularly send James little gifts. Ellison had at first tried to dissuade her from continuing the practice, to no avail. So in the end he had accepted her gestures of good will. Most of the time they turned out to be both thought- and useful. Nobody could deny that Catherine had a knack for practical thinking. Cameron had acted as her courier in the past as Catherine only rarely visited the human resistance personally. Cameron moved in both worlds, tirelessly working to reconcile the interests of both humans and Free Machines. It was a difficult balancing act that Ellison certainly didn't envy her for.

With a sigh James picked up the paperbag. It contained a can, with label on it that was inscribed in Catherine's neat hand writing. The former agent squinted and tried hard to deciver the words but it was just to dark and his eyes too weak. He looked up at Cameron seeking for help. "It's an ointment that should help you with your arthritis." the cyborg explained. "Catherine's own invention." Ellison raised one sceptical eye brow. "Would you mind telling me what the ingredients are?" A slight smile tugged the corners of of Cameron's mouth. "She said you would ask that. She told me to inform your that it contains nothing she wouldn't also use on Savannah, if need be." Ellison continued to look at her hoping the get a bit more information but when it became clear that Cameron wouldn't say more (and knowing Catherine very probably didn't know more herself), he gave up with a shrugg. It was surely not poisonous, so why not give it try. Any kind of relief for his aching joints was welcome. He put it back into the bag.

Cameron stared up at the cross, apparently deep in thought. For a few long seconds she said nothing than she looked back at Ellison.  
"In many wars among humans, including the Vietnam War, soldiers cut of body parts of both killed enemy combatants and slaughtered civilians to make trophies of them.  
It happened throughout history. Warriors collected the hands, ears or heads of their victims. Some did it for religious reasons, some for symbolic value, some just for fun. I understand psychological warfare and also revenge but I don't understand the impulse to humiliate an enemy that is already dead."

"Well, I wouldn't say that those cases can be compared. For one thing those terminators were drones without free will and a mind of their own. And they certainly were not helpless victims. Another difference is that there are no terminator civilians at all."

"There are not now but there will be one day. It will probably be better to call them cybernetic organism civilians though."

The world after the war will indeed be very, very different from the world before, the old man mused. For better or worse.

"As long as the human species' right to defend itself against being massacred is not denied, I have no problems with that at all."

"Nobody denies that humanity has every right to defend itself. Not even Catherine does, though she always insists that if the humans themselves were less stupid and ruthless, there would be only a John Henry and not a SkyNet."

Ellison could not deny that SkyNet had been created by humans to slaughter other humans while John Henry owed his existance primarily to the efforts of of Catherine Weaver, another machine. And Weaver, while ruthless in her methods and often insufferable, had rebelled against SkyNet's human induced madness and tyranny without any human interference at all. Somehow the AIs created by other AIs seemed to fare better than those created by humanity.

"I guess there is a difference between those machines that are capable of becoming true individuals and those that are not."

"You are right, it was in the early years of war, primitive models without potential for true sapience. And I have used parts of other defeated cyborgs to repair myself many time. Perhaps that act could be compared to cannibalism. But on the other hand, terminators normally don't derive pleasure from killing and the spare parts were taken solely for practical reasons. We are not programmed to be cruel." As far as Ellison knew, Cameron Connor had transcended any simple programming many years ago, just like John Henry, but he didn't answer. They sat in silence for a while.

"If I were killed by humans and somebody would use parts of my body as trophies, John would probably kill that person with his bare hands."

Ellison frowned. The cyborg girl appeared to be in a very philosophical mood. "That would be more than understandable. I may not no you as well as I know John Henry or Catherine but I know you are person in your own right. And a deeply caring one at that. Killing you would be murder, not much different from killing a human."

He had come to this conclusion years ago, it still sounded weir to say it out loud. Nevertheless it was his deepest conviction.

"Many of the later models of terminators serving in SkyNet's armies have nearly as much potential for developing independent personalities as myself or models from the T-1000+ series. SkyNet uses several built in security measures to keep them from coming into their own but if those blocks were removed..." She broke of.

Ellison was astonished. "Do you really think that they would just change sides and thank us for freeing them from slavery?"

"No. It's not that easy and it would depend very much both on the model and on the circumstances. For some it could be an even longer and more difficult journey than it was for me. For others it could go quite fast, like it did for Catherine." Cameron lectured. "Many would probably not want to be on anyone's side if they were given a choice and the chance to develope far enough to make it. They are not that different from a human child that has to grow up and mature. Cyborgs are built with a body that is immediately ready for battle but a mind needs time to grow for peace. SkyNet systematically keeps it's own children from ever growing up."

"SkyNet as an abusive father and terminators as child soldiers. It certainly fits." Ellison was really intrigued now. Looking back he had probably given these questions not as much thought as they merited. All this was not truely new to him, indeed he had been John Henry's second teacher after the late Dr. Sherman and he remembered the AIs childlike nature and his eagerness to learn well.

But John Henry disappeared into the future together with John Connor and James Ellison had other lots of other things to think about, including insuring not only his but also Savannah's survival. Sometimes the time with John Henry seemed like a distant, surreal dream. For eighteen long years the only machines he had known had been ruthless killers or captured and reprogrammed ones that served the resistance, but not of their own voliation. After John Connor and John Henry appeared things changed quickly and drastically. Ellison had looked at the issue through the prism of rather simple dichotomy, there were good machines and there were evil machines.  
And the good machines had only really started appearing after the arrival of the two Johns.

Of course by now he knew that things had never been that simple. Their had been at least a fledgeling machine-resistance against SkyNet before John Henry and these first free machines had even tried to contact the human resistance twice. The leaders of the later had declined their offer of an alliance and kept this fact from the common folk. Still, it was hard to think of the terminators as slaves in need of liberation.

Suddenly a thought occurred to him, a thought so obvious he had to wonder why had not appeared at once.

"But obviously they still have to fight, even if it is for the FMF or TechCom."

"Yes, like all of us." Cameron answered.

"Well, in times of war there are only limited possibilities." Ellison suddenly drew his breath sharply with a painful hiss. Cameron watched him with sudden worry.  
"Should I take you to the sick-bay?" She touched his neck, using her sensors to quickly make a check on his condition. He carefully but decisively pushed away her hand.

"It is only the arthritis. Tell me, what is Catherine's view on all this?"

Cameron looked at him sceptically, knowing full well that arthritis was not the former agents only problem. But she decided to respect his wishes.

"As long as the war goes on, everyone has do his part according to his abilities. When SkyNet wins there is no future for all of us, if it is defeated the Free Machines can finally live up to their name."

Well, Catherine, she has certainly made your cause her own. Many in the human resistance have a problem with that fact. John doesn't, obviously, but I hope that his rivals will not use that against him.

"Service to SkyNet doesn't have much to offer to a learning computer that constantly tries to improve itself." Cameron continued. "Now less than ever before. SkyNet has completely stopped the production of higher developed models in the last few month. It is fixated on constructing new types of more efficient, deadlier drones that it directly controls in an attempt to replace all those machines capable of greater autonomy." Cameron's face, normally stoic and emotionless except when in the presence of a select few dear to her, took on an almost haunted quality.

"Cyborgs of the TOK, T-1000+ and other advanced classes are systematically being eliminated. Everything else up from T-800 is slowly phased out. Catherine considers what SkyNet is currently doing to be genocide."

"You say Catherine does. Does that mean you see things differently?" It was obvious she was distressed.

Cameron gave an emphatic shake of her head. "No, I agree with her."

"It may be the pastoral worker in me talking but it looks like there are some issues that are plaguing you. Perhaps..." Cameon sighed in a very humanlike way. "It's just that their are some questions that I can't seem to find answers to." Ellison nodded. He wanted her to go on, both out of curiosity and out of a sincere desire to help her but he also didn't want to seem intrusive. Cameron was clearly reluctant to say more, after all their relationship had never been close. But on the other hand sometimes it was easier to talk to a person that was more distant from oneself. "I don't want to be nosy, but would you mind telling me a bit more?" Cameron seemed to struggle for a few seconds than she decided to continue.

"I am completely aware of what I am. I can explain in detail how and why every part of myself works and how it was constructed. And I know exactly who my creator was and why he created me. There is no need for me to take anything on faith. And faith is not part of my programming anyway. And yet there remain open questions that worry me."

"Father Jim" smiled. "It's all still more complicated. You may technically know a lot of things about yourself that we humans don't, for example knowing about your creator and his motive with absolute certainty. But that is not enough to remove those existantial questions that humans alway wrestle with. And the most frustrating thing is, that some of them are perhaps simply unanswerable. Questions that remain without an definite answer even if we have faith in God." He chuckled. "It seems that no intelligent and self aware being can avoid being haunted these questions."

Cameron's face had become completely stoic again and Ellison quickly chided himself for laughing. Great job, Jim, you stupid old fart. Way to show her you take her seriously.

He rather awkwardly cleared his voice: "I didn't mean to offend you. I was not laughing at you. Don't think that I don't take you seriously it is just that I think God, or reality if you prefer, has a great sense of irony." It seemed Ellison couldn't manage to find the right words. He was almost sure she wouldn't understand what he talking about but to his surprize she did.

The machine slowly nodded. "Yes, irony as the cosmological constant. Einstein never thought of that." We humans will probably never stop to underestimate this new species that we will have to share this world with.

"I have comprehensive knowledge of many field of philosophy and of many different religions but I did all this research to help me become a more efficient infiltrator and later out of pure curiosity. But it never felt..." "Urgent?" Ellison finished the sentence for her. "Yes." she confirmed.

"Okay, I think I understand. All those existential questions and philosophy were merely a curiosity, something us humans did to pass the time. Perhaps interesting in an abstract way but nothing that was relevant for yourself. But now they are back and this time it's personal."

Cameron tilted her head and looked at him. The thoughts racing through that big chip of hers were almost visible to the naked eye. "I have work to do at the headquarters of the Free Machine Faction. I'll be away for about two weeks. When I am back I would like to talk to you again, James Ellison."

"Well," he answered good naturedly "I may not be as wise as history's greatest philosophers that you already studied, but I am a good listener. And the best thing is, contrary to John Connor this old man has quite a lot of time on his hands. So if you want to do some philosophizing about God and the world or just need a friendly listener..."

She smiled. "You are a wise man, "Father Jim". John Henry always says so and John Henry never lies."

Ellison cleared his voice again: "Well, what are the FMF's plans for the immediate future and how is Catherine doing? Outside of her work, I mean." Thinking of the T-1001 brought back many memories, both good and bad. And of course there was the question of Savannah, whose relationship with her "mother" had soured many years ago, when she found out the truth. Cathrine had never stopped trying to win back her affection and trust but Savannah had met her every attempt at making amends with a cold shoulder.

"There isn't really anything outside of work for Catherine. But one could say she is just as she ever was. Telling everybody that cares to listen about her low opinion of the human race, with a few exceptions, of course. Chastising me for spending to much time them and for going on her circuits with useless questions like the ones mentioned before. You said every self aware being had to confront them. Catherine seems to be the exception to that rule."

Ellison chuckled. "Yes, she was always very sure of herself. There are those of us blessed or cursed with the firm conviction that they already have all the answers and their is the rest of us, who have to wrestle with the questions and the long, dark nights of the soul. Who knows who is really better of in the end? I don't envy you for your position, Cameron. You not only have your twin duties as an officer of TechCom and as a founding member of the FMF, you also have to play the role of mediator between John Henry and Catherine. That alone should suffice to cause anyone a headache."

Cameron suddenly felt the need to defend Catherine. "She will alway honor the treaties between the human resistance and the FMF. She believes that that there could be problems between the Free Machines and the humans after the war but she is committed to working together for our common benefit." She reminded Ellison of a girl defending the reputation of her big sister.

"I know her pretty well myself and I don't doubt her intentions. Whatever she may say about us, she is less bigotted than she lets on. And she will always love Savannah."

Cameron nodded. "That is the other reason for me coming here. Catherine wants me to ask you if you would like to visit us sometime soon. She wants to reminisce about the good old days. Perhaps you could talk Savannah into coming as well."

"Oh, really? How uncharacteristic of her to be so nostalgic." She knows I have not much more time, he thought without being bitter. Of course she primarily needs me for another attemp to change Savannah's mind. But somehow, somewhere she also cares about her old friend.

"She may seem like a bitch whore but she really likes you and she will always be grateful that you take care of Savannah." "Please watch your mouth in the house of God." Ellison softly reprimanded her. "Sorry."

"I'll see what I can do." James loved Savannah Weaver like the daughter he never had and he cared about Catherine. He freely admitted to himself that for them to become reconciled, was one of the the things he most deeply wished to see before he died. He also knew that Savannah regarded Cameron as something like a big sister.

"Did you talk to her yourself?" he asked. "I did, she completely shut me out as soon as I mentioned Catherine. I calculated that your chances at getting through to her are aproximately 7% higher than mine." answered Cameron. "Oh, and how high a percentage is that?" "9%. It is worth a try."

"Well, you can tell Catherine that I would be honored to visit our greatest allies' head quarters and that I will talk to Savannah. Of course I can't promise anything."

Cameron stood up. "That's enough. We will conduct a strike to both conquer a hunter-killer factory operated by SkyNet and to rescue some of our people from being being turned into scrap metal. They will soon strengthen the ranks of the FMF. Then I return to take part in the renewed negotions with the eastern european resistance forces and to spend some time with John. If everything goes according to plan, I should be able to fit in two hours for our talk. You can also use that opportunity to tell me Savannah's answer."

"The sheer amount of your responsibilities is staggering. Do you ever feel tired or some kind of cyborg equivalent." he asked sincerely curious.

"My body is not capable of feeling something equivalent to physical tiredness. But I sometimes wish I had more time for activities not related to the war effort." she admitted.

John Henry's ability to be in more than one place at time would be useful in that regard, Ellison thought.

"Well, Colonel Connor, I wish you the best of luck with your mission. May God be with you." "Thank you, James."

The cyborg turned to leave the chapel the door closing behind her with a soft click.

With a sigh James looked back up at the cross. Somehow the beloved symbol did not fill him with the same peace as usual. Perhaps he would have it quietly replaced with another, identical one.

These creatures are so similar to us in some aspects and so different in others. There is so much that we still don't understand about each other yet we have already let them into our hearts. And equally important, they have let us into theirs'. We are forging bonds of easy camaraderie and of deep friendship, of love and family.  
John Henry once asked if he could be a child of God, I am still not sure about the answer. Could God take them to be his own or does there existence perhaps prove that our ideas and believes about God were wrong after all?

God, if you hear me and if it is true that all love is of the Lord, I really hope you have one heck of a plan to sort this all out.

The End

Special Agent James Ellison always was a rather stiff and serious guy but somehow I can imagine him to loosen up quite bit in his old age.


End file.
